Grid Project -- Acknowledging Failure

I was so excited about the grid project originally. I had at least five different ideas instantly ranging from hand drawing a portrait in different colors for each grid piece to pouring resin layers for a "floating" picture effect. I realized, I spent so much time thinking about what to do, and how excited I was to do it, that I began to run out of time. The idea that I went with was still exciting to me but my execution of the project fell a little flat of my expectations...

I wanted to make an image transfer. I began by printing out five images of special moments that I had. four images were in black and white and one was in color. The four b+w images were good memories, but the color was my favorite of them. I cut all of the pictures into inch squares and mixed them together so I wouldn't know which pieces I was grabbing. Then I spread gloss heavy gel on a blank canvas sheet and began placing the squares around the canvas in random order.

I wanted to represent the idea that memories are fleeting and can get jumbled up in our heads as time passes. Even so, some of the best will stand out vibrant against the others. A person can always find the pieces of their memories if they search hard enough and put them back together again.

As I finished, I had the idea to start dripping black ink on the paper. It was a spontaneous decision, and I wasn't fully sure why I did it... I think I was just curious to see how it would work. Later I realized it fit with my idea. Things will get in the way of our memories sometimes, like little black ink splotches. These things may try to block the good memories, and may even get in the way of the best memories... but that's okay because we still have other wonderful memories.

I began wetting the paper then, to start the rubbing/transferring process. That's when I noticed I had made a couple mistakes. The gel medium was either still wet in some places or had dried too quickly in others and wasn't holding the squares in place. The paper was too thin. I had poured too much water on the canvas. The ink started to smudge everything. My colorful memories started to rip. The project had not been a success.

Still... the process itself was a lesson. I learned what I did wrong, and tried even though I wasn't 100% sure I'd succeed. It was also therapeutic. A person might not see it by seeing me in everyday life, but I've been having a bit of an emotional time lately... I hadn't wanted to share my failure, because I did not want to be seen as one myself. I often am a perfectionist and take great pride in my work, and here I was, making mistakes left and right after having just cut five of my favorite printed photos to bits. The photos were of me and my boyfriend while he was home on Leave... He's in the military and has been away the past couple of months. It was hard to cut up those pictures, even though I knew I could just print them again later.

I could say I procrastinated this blog because my phone wasn't letting me share the images of my project (which was true) but I think it was also because it was difficult for me to share. Even so... how can we grow if we don't acknowledge our failures? So that is what I am presenting to you now... from this, I hope I can grow.